I’ve got a new column in Darling Magazine. I’ll be sharing Women’s Wisdom every week. Here is an unedited, sweary version of the piece for your delectation!
I’m Sophie Lutz, I’m a psychotherapist by training, tarot reader, mother and sweary, feminist, yoga teaching, witch. I’m so delighted to be writing this Women’s Wisdom column for Darling. I’m here to provoke, stimulate and excite you, as well as inspire you to levels of self care, pleasure activism (more on that next time) and self love that you can only dream of. Before we get to the juice, a little about me: I am a mongrel. Born in France, to a Vietnamese/German father and a Polish (native Brit) mother. I grew up in an extended family household where there was a blending, and often clash, of cultures. European, Catholic, Asian, Buddhist it’s not all that surprising that I’ve ended up a pagan. All of these strands and my background as a psychotherapist have brought me to a place where I understand my life mission to be the activist work of raising women (and thus all people) up, using the ancient wisdom traditions that have fallen by the wayside for so many of us but that are long overdue the revival that is happening right now around the globe. In my tarot work, my psychotherapy background, esoteric practice and wish to serve come together, enabling me to offer support, guidance and above all to enhance my clients’ ability to really hear themselves. Listening to our own unconscious wisdom is hard, but it’s something we all need to take time to cultivate. I hope some of what I offer here will help you to to hear yourself in the same way.
My intention for this column is to bring you Women’s Wisdom in all it’s forms. In the coming months I’ll be bringing you recipes for foraged beauty and medicine, rituals to ground you, centre you or lift your spirits. I’ll be opening up new ways of thinking about our essential nature as women, our sexuality, and the ways we do, and don’t, claim our voice and our space in our homes, and in the world. Check back on 15th September to find out how we can best make use of the Autumn Equinox, the festival which marks the point when the days and nights are of equal length and the time of year when we need balance and equilibrium more than ever in our lives.
Patriarchy has lead us to dismiss anything with a mythical, magical, narrative or home-spun base as ‘woo’ (hateful word, please stop using it, it’s just another misogynist slur). But these were and are vitally important languages: astrology, tarot, working with nature, ancient myths and modern stories. All of these are timeless ways in which women (and men) have understood the world around them, each other, and the ways in which we can work with and honour the Earth and the abundance that nature has provided us with, using the rhythm of the seasons as our guide.
So let’s start right here, at the beginning of Autumn
We’re moving towards the end of August and the back to school feeling we all have whether we are parents or not. We’ve been replenished by the heat and sun, and, let’s face it, the haitus that Covid has given us. I know it’s been stressful (I know, I know, dear heart, it’s been fucking awful, I’d cuddle you if I could), but it’s also been a pause that has allowed us to review…well…everything. We’ve all realised there were ways we were living before that just didn’t work. That there were people and relationships that we were pouring time and energy into, that we haven’t missed at all. Conversely, we’ve discovered that we deeply value other relationships with people that previously we rarely saw, and we’ve carved out a space for ourselves in our daily lives that we don’t ever want to let go of.
September is the perfect time to press the reset button.
As we head into a new normal, because we all know the old normal is gone forever. Instead of goal setting and resolution making in January, now is the time to take stock and shed what we have outgrown, in order to make room for what we want more of in our lives.
How to add magic? Let’s do a ritual spell.
Before we do, we need to demystify and define what I mean by that loaded and misunderstood term. A spell is an intentional attempt to bend reality to our will. When we write a to-do list, we are doing a spell. When we light a candle and think of someone or pray for them, we are doing a spell. When we put on that lucky belt, or bracelet, we are doing a spell. Human beings are constantly looking for ways to use symbolism to move ourselves towards our aims, or even better, to help our loved ones or the wider world. So before you dismiss this little ritual, let your curiosity get the better of you, and give it try.
Magic works. Because there is nothing more powerful than our focussed intention, any psychologist will tell you that.
End of Summer Review Spell
Get yourself two pieces of paper. Set yourself up to feel like this is a significant ritual. Maybe light some candles, maybe put on some music that centres. Get quiet, and think of all the things in your life that you’ve recognised over the last few months no longer serve you. All the ways of being, all the aspects of living, that this strange Lockdown and the resultant home-working or break in routine have made you realise just don’t work. Write them down. Go into as much detail or as little as you wish. Make the list as long or as short as suits you. When you’re ready, burn the piece of paper. I find doing this over a sink is safer and you can wash the ashes away which adds a finality to the act. As it burns really think about the freedom of letting all of it go, surrendering the things you’ve outgrown and making room for more of what you love, and brings you joy in your life.
You know where this is going right? On the next piece of paper write down all of the things you want to keep, attract, or that you want more of in your life. Be specific and use the present tense. ‘I see my friend Julia more often. I nourish myself with beautiful wholesome foods. I practice yoga every day. I have great multiply orgasmic sex several times a week.’ Shit was that TMI? Really go for it, no one else is going to see this (unless you’re me, writing this for a public forum, my bad!). When you’re done, and you might find you stretch to several pages, write ‘May this manifest for the highest good of myself and all involved’ and sign and date it. And then put your piece of paper in a safe place, but not too safe as you want to be able to remember where it was. We will review this at Christmas and see how many of your intentions have become reality. At the very least, you’re now completely clear about what you want less of, and more of in the coming months. And as any life coach will tell you, clarifying what you want is most of the way to getting it.
Thank you so much for your openness and engagement with me, I’m so excited to be here for you, taking you through the whole year and all the ups and downs that it brings with new and old tools to get us through and make life a little sweeter along the way.